So let’s get on with the list.

Number One:  Jeffree Star’s Pink Vault-

If you see your Chanel caviar floating around on the security cam, that’s just me, Jeffree, playing pretend with my unicorn. I promise not to leave any ghostly fingerprints on any of your Birkins.

Number Two: Stevie Nick’s closet.

Because come on’ this is Stevie Nick’s closet we are talking about. Any other hauntlings want to join me in living my AHS Coven wardrobe fantasies with me?

Number Three: The Tower of London.

The Tower of London, I could hang out with the ghost of Anne Boleyn so that I could do justice to her in the book I write about her, romance, time travel, ghosts, and Anne Boleyn. Now that’s my cup of tea.

Number Four: Ryan Murphy’s Office

Ryan Murphy’s office. Because, yeah, Ryan…when are you going to tell us who is coming back for season 9, American Horror Story 1984. I am sure he has the cast list somewhere. Ryan? Are they coming back? Sarah? Lily? Cody? Frances? Taissa? Maybe even Stevie? Pretty Please.

Number Five: The New York Public Library

It’s a Library…books, lots and lots of books. Think I would read faster as a ghost?

Number Six: A Certain Asshole

That asshole on the East Coast—what’s a few saucers launched at you going to hurt? Yikes not so hearts and flowers there. There’s a history there. I wouldn’t aim for their face. Ok, I probably wouldn’t throw anything, just shake their poltergeist all over their existence for a couple of days.

Number Seven Tiffany’s 

Like a magpie, I like sparkly, shiny, glittery things. The one above is in London. Ghostly field trip, anyone?

Number Eight: Starbucks

Simply because if I am going to linger around as a mist. I want to smell like a mocha latte.

Number Nine: Windsor Castle

Because…Reasons. Oh and I could trip the ghost of Henry VIII, and hang out with the Queen. I wonder what she has in her private library. And a scone…if ghosts can eat, I want a freaking scone. I haven’t had a decent one since we went to Canada. With clotted cream and raspberry preserves.

Number Ten: Oxford University

Can you imagine all of the things you could learn haunting the halls of this place? I would always be in class because I wouldn’t have anything else to do.  Seriously though, I think this should be the number one on my list of places I would haunt.

If you found this entertaining or want to share where you would haunt, let us know in the comments.  I check them every day.

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Cheers,

Alex

10) Lost and Moved Objects

Your things keep moving around. I swear I lose my cup coffee at least ten times a day and then find it in some weird random places, like the laundry room and the garage. Seriously I found a 6oz bottle of diet Pepsi that disappeared from my office on the dining room table. We only use the dining room for company. It doesn’t just happen to my coffee or soda, my keys disappear quite often. This morning, I found them in my purse. I never put them in my purse. I always dump them onto the kitchen counter with all the other random shit that I usually have with me.

9) Loud Noises

Loud noises that come out of nowhere. Seriously. Have you ever been sitting there, just innocently following all the beauty guru drama on YouTube, and suddenly there is a bang so loud it sounds like a truck drove into the side of your house? I got up and checked the whole house and yard out, there didn’t seem to be anything out of place. So, I’m pretty sure that those noises are proof that I have pissed off my ghosts. I need to figure out what I did so that I can apologize. Yet, I am getting the “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID” vibe.

8) Temperature Changes.

I don’t know what my ghost is trying to tell me but this one is really horrible. Seriously, I get into my favorite cotton sleep shorts and a tank top, crawl into nice cool sheets, and five minutes later I am freezing. Like, shivering cold. What’s with that? And no sooner do I start to fall asleep, It feels like I am suddenly burning up from the inside.out. It feels like being on fire but you’re not burning, its as if your body has turned into a sauna. Then there’s the mistake of getting up because my pj’s are soaked through. That, of course, is the exact moment when the ghost wants to run at me with a blast of cold air. And we are right back where we started, that awful shivering.

7) Doors closing by themselves.

It happens. I come home from grocery shopping and hold the door open with a huge block of paper towels before I run back to the car to bring stuff in. The moment I have four grocery bags hanging from my arm and I am just to the door…It Slams barely missing my face by mere centimeters.  Now, I can see the door being heavy and pushing the paper towels out of the way, but the timing? Ah huh ghostie, we aren’t fooled.

6) Animals Acting in Curious ways.

The dog, my sweet 7-pound Yorkie. She’s my shadow. She sometimes stares at the wall and barks her head off. Why I do not know. She also does this to the kitchen cabinets. The only way to get her to stop is to give her a treat. I don’t know what she’s seeing in that corner but it must be something she doesn’t like. Probably my pissed off ghost.

5) Lights going on and off.

It happens, especially when I am in the bathtub. My friend Courtney told me that in California closets and bathroom lights go off automatically when there is no movement in the room. Well, I beg to differ. I have left the bathroom light on and it has stayed on. Except when I am in the bath. Then it goes off. So my thinking is that my ghost wants me to break my leg getting out of the tub in the pitch black, and then get electrocuted when I turn on the lights.

4) Feeling like someone is running straight at me, but no one is there.

You know the feeling. You standing there, looking for something, your favorite pen, a book you are reading or if you’re in California, your pot pipe and you feel something running straight for your back.  You can’t smell, see or hear anything, but you can feel that rushing towards your back. You freeze and then whip your body around and there is nothing there. Nothing but a cold spot and goosebumps. Happens to me all the time.

3) Feeling like someone is sitting on your bed.

At night, when my husband is out of town, It feels like someone has sat on the edge of the bed. Like something heavy, like a weighted blanket. It freaks me out. The only way to stop it is to pull the bottom sheets out and stick my feet outside the covers. And when I do that, whatever it is, goes away. The ghosts are trying to keep me up at night so I will be neurotic all day. Their plan is not going unnoticed.  

2) Weird and Wicked Bad Smells.

I also suspect that the horrible smells that are coming out of nowhere are the work of a very angry ghost. Think about it. I am walking through the entryway and kick my daughter’s gym back over to the side, you know because it was left right inside the front door. Suddenly this horrific scent of death and despair floats across the air. It doesn’t even dissipate when I spray it with Lysol.

1) Weird SnapChat Photos.

At this point, you probably think I have to hit that amazing Napa wine, I can assure you if I drank, I would be drinking right now… I have proof. Look at all the angry ghosts I picked up on my iPhone. I’m scared of Siri now.

I don’t know what I did to piss off my ghosts, but I am leaning towards the sage fried chicken with fried sage leaves. That’s about when I started putting two and two together and came up with some pissed off ghosts.

If you found this entertaining or have your own angry ghost stories, let us know in the comments.  I check them every day.

For more weird and entertaining sh*t from Alex, sign up for my newsletter by scrolling down to the bottom of the site and plug in your name and email.

Cheers,

Alex